Job:Read Stories To The Dead Requirements: Bachelor Degree in English. Salary: $35,000 per year. Description: Sit and read stories while doing different voices for the body during autopsy, storage, body preparation, and at the funeral. Sometimes at their gravestone if requested. Job:Shower Buddy For The Lonely, The Elderly Requirements: Trained in Massage Therapy. Salary: $100 per ½ hour. Description: Hop in the shower with them to soap them up and massage them.
Job:Bikini Housekeeper Model Requirements: Just be young, beautiful, and hot. (I know of someone like this!) Salary: $45,000 per year. Description: Do sexy poses while doing housekeeping duties. Pictures would have to be welcome.
Job:Nose Blower For The Rich Requirements: High School Diploma. Salary: $50 per blow. (This job is lucrative during the winter months.) Description: Be on stand by while they are awake, asleep, and while walking down the street with them to provide tissue, apply, and say, “blow” when required. No gloves allowed. Those have too many germs.
Job:Plant Watcher Requirements: Phd in Botany. Salary: $30 per hour. Description: Intently and continuously stare (never looking away) at a seedling as it grows. At the end of the 12 hour shift, write a 500 word essay on the unique progress the seedling made during that day.
Job: Butt Kisser Requirements: Be not as good looking, smart or as wealthy as employer. Salary: $20 to $40 per hour. (Based on how convincing you are.) Description: Follow employer around and tell them how great they are and compliment them whenever they look at you. Also tell everyone how great your employer is and compliment him or her whenever they are talking with someone else, especially during social gatherings. One example of what to say while butt kissing them may be: ”Please tell me Sir, how can I be half the man you are?”