Trump’s Meeting With Vladimir Putin At Helsinki Finland
After Trump arrived at the meeting, Vladimir Putin the leader of Russia came walking out wearing a shirt, tie, suit jacket, socks, and shoes, but he forgot to wear his pants and underwear. Everyone noticed that Vladimir Putin the leader of Russia is as smooth as a Ken doll down there and suddenly broke out into hysterical laughter while pointing at his crotch. The news media used computer graphics to cover up Putin’s shame.
Harrison Ford
Harrison Ford is a brilliant and extraordinary actor who appears to be having some troubles remembering things. Someone would know if they are flying a plane or a helicopter. Two completely different cockpits. Two completely different devices that defy gravity.
Perhaps Alzheimer’s is beginning to show its first symptoms. It is just a matter of time before Harrison Ford flies his plane which he thinks is a helicopter down from the sky into a house that has within it: A Mom, A Dad, 14 children, an ugly hairless cat, and a shaved hamster with a mohawk. Then Harrison's plane would suddenly burst into flames killing everyone and everything including that damned ugly cat as well as that grey haired guy who has had erectile dysfunction for 40 straight years right after an encounter or two with Carrie Fisher. She must have been behaving as if she had been actually riding a hard bucking bull at a rodeo because she broke it.
Perhaps Harrison Ford should have actually died in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The director should have told Mr. Ford, "Okay for this next movie scene, to make it look as realistic as possible and also to have it be the best and coolest death scene in all the history of movie making, you are going to actually die!" With Alzheimer's beginning to set in, Harrison Ford would have asked, "Well do I get paid extra and may I make out with Carrie Fisher beforehand since that is the only thing I can do since she broke it?"
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Space Adventure
There is a new Bill and Ted Adventure movie in the works. Keanu Reeves and that other guy will once again reprise their roles as Bill and Ted. In one part of the movie, they will be visiting the International Space Station. While there, they think it would be a great idea to perform the first rock concert in space right outside of the space station for the other astronauts.
But during the concert their safety tethers come undone and they end up floating towards Mars. They do their guitar thing with their hands while they float through space. Party on dudes! George Carlin reprises his role as Rufus, but he doesn’t say very much. Oh come on! George Carlin would think that is funny!
Matt Damon as Jason Bourne
Matt Damon loved playing his role as Jason Bourne so much that he wants to become him. Matt has spoken with the government and he will be going through rigorous training. Matt was so excited by the prospect of becoming Jason Bourne that he wet himself.
Lady Gaga Gets Sued For Sexual Harassment
While shooting a music video for her new song titled, “I want to get banged by your husband”, Lady Gaga (Goo Goo) was going Au naturel and wearing a short skirt. While she was doing a jump in the air and swinging her legs around in a circle she accidently collided with another male dance performer. They both ended up falling to the ground with Lady Gaga ending up sitting on his face. (Damn! I wish I could dance!) During the sexual harassment trial, Lady Gaga was wearing a short skirt and had rested her long sexy leg on the table before her. While staring at the men in the jury, she had removed her shoe showing off her sexy foot while doing sexy foot poses. She would then run her hand starting at her toes and up along her sexy leg. Lady Gaga would also wink and blow kisses at the men in the jury.
Suddenly her lawyer brought out a really cool and huge boom box placing it on the table and pressed play. Lady Gaga suddenly got up and began dancing. Her performance was so incredible and contagious that the bailiffs, officers, the jury, and the court trial spectators all stood up and began dancing alongside Lady Gaga.
A 78 year old man had joined up alongside Lady Gaga and begun mimicking her dance moves for about 30 seconds and then he suddenly grabbed his chest and fell down to the ground. The judge suddenly broke out into laughter and ended up dismissing the sexual harassment lawsuit against Lady Gaga.
Madonna
For the promotion of Madonna’s upcoming new album, her record company is having a contest for fans to enter to have a chance to have “Pillow Talk” in bed with Madonna. Madonna is an extremely intelligent lady, so if someone wins, they need to expect Madonna to know just little bit more than them about whatever the winner talks about. She will know something they don’t!
Scarlett Johansson
While in L.A., The Ultra Philosopher ran into Scarlett Johansson at a popular and upscale restaurant. The Ultra Philosopher asked her, "Have you ever made it with a freak before?" Scarlett replied, “You know, I could really get into that!”